The issues I have with you
by spockett
Summary: The Captain and Spock have some issues with each other since they have moved in together. Spock sends the Captain an email to discuss said issues.


**TITLE: **THE ISSUES I HAVE WITH YOU

**SUMMARY: **The Captain and Spock have some issues with each other since they have moved in together. Spock sends the Captain an email to discuss said issues.

SPOCK/KIRK

**A/N - **I DON'T OWN THEM HOWEVER I WOULD LOVE TO BORROW SPOCK FOR 1 NIGHT. YUM. PLEASE CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES AT:.net/~spockett.

THERE ARE SOME OTHER GREAT WRITERS WITH WONDERFUL STORIES YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT ALSO. Banbi-V, StarTrekFanWriter, TalesFromTheSpockSide, Woodrow Graham Kenobi-Rimmer, nerdielady, Aphrodite420

We write these stories for your enjoyment and we get paid by your reviews. They mean so much to us and keep us wanting to write more stories. So please make the effort to write a review if you like the story. Even constructive reviews are welcome if not in bad context. Sometimes you may see a character OOC. It's not a mistake or bad writing. The writer may have wanted them to be that way to make their story more enjoyable.

Again, please please review.

**Dear Captain, **

Now that we are a couple and are sharing the same quarters, there are some issues that I believe we need to discuss.

Stop touching me when were are in bed and you scratch your butt or crotch before you have showered**. ICK**.

Stop singing in the shower. I believe I have lost some of my hearing. **HELLO?**

Stop bringing food in bed to eat. The crumbs are very abrasive to my skin. **YOU DO LIKE MY SKIN SOFT, YES?**

Stop rubbing your toes on me at night until you have clipped your toe nails. I have sensitive skin. **HELLOOOOO?**

Stop petting my head and saying nice kitty. **I AM **_**NOT**_** A CAT, AND THAT **_**WAS NOT**_** A HAIRBALL I COUGHED UP.**

Stop putting a bowl of milk on my bedside stand before bed. **SEE ABOVE ISSUE**.

Stop turning the thermostat down to subzero. **I AM NOT A POPCICLE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.**

Stop hitting the snooze button on the alarm. I have been late for duty 3 times this week. **SO HAVE YOU, CAPTAIN…..**

Stop dancing and singing around the room in your underwear when I am trying to meditate. **IT IS VERY VERY DISTRACTING.**

Stop leaving the toilet paper receptacle empty when you have used the last of it in the facilities. This is the 3d time this month I have been left without proper necessities. **I WILL SAY NO MORE ON THIS SUBJECT.**

Stop laughing and pointing at me every morning saying I have bed hair. **YOU SHOULD SEE YOURS SOMETIMES.**

Stop laughing and pointing at me every morning saying I have a boner. **EVEN THOUGH MINE **_**IS**_** BIGGER THEN YOURS.**

Stop offering me chocolates if you do not want to be up all night. **YOU SILLY BOY.**

Stop cleaning your fingernails with my toothbrush. This is extremely un-hygienic. **WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO USE YOURS TO CLEAN THE TOLIET?**

Stop talking while you have food in your mouth. I am appalled at what falls out**. CAN YOU SAY… **_**DISCUSTING**_**?**

Stop referring to me also as your little elf. **I AM **_**NOT **_**AN ELF. I AM A VULCAN….. OR ……YOUR KITTY.**

Love

Your Thalia.

**The Captains Response**.

Dear Mr. Spock, thank you for your honest and if not extremely detailed email regarding said issues. I also have some issues that I would like to address also.

Stop taking all the covers. **YOU POPCICLE**.

Stop turning up the thermostat to broil. **I LIKE TO KEEP FLUIDS **_**IN**_** MY BODY. HELLOOO?**

Stop saying the word illogical every 15 minutes. **I HATE THAT**.

Stop saying the word fascinating every 20 minutes. **I REALLY REALLY HATE THAT**.

Stop smelling up the room with your stinky incense every time you meditate. **PEOPLE SAY I SMELL FUNKY.**

Stop purring in my ear every night when I am trying to sleep. **YOU ARE SOOO LOUD…..KITTY.**

Stop growling at me every time I jump on the bed while your sleeping. **EVEN THOUGH IT IS SEXY….PUSSY CAT.**

Stop trying to mind meld with me when you are asleep. **YOUR DREAMS ARE WEIRD AND SCARY. I DREAMED I ATE A MOUSE.**

Stop trying to make me eat plume leak soup every morning. **THAT STUFF IS REALLY DISGUSTING. UGH. I'D RATHER EAT A MOUSE.**

Stop addressing me as Captain while we are having sex. **I KNOW I AM THE CAPTAIN. MY NAME IS **_**JIM**_**. HELLOOO?**

Stop telling me I look like I have gained some weight. **DO I REALLY LOOK FAT TO YOU?**

Stop reprogramming the shower to scald. **I AM **_**NOT**_** A LOBSTER. HELLOOO?**

Stop reminding me that I am the Captain and I should act like one. **BITE ME.**

Stop taking my x rated video's and hiding them. **YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THEM, TIGER.**

Stop rearranging the clothes in my dresser and closet. **I **_**DON'T WANT**_** TO BE COLOR COORDINATED**.

Stop putting my clothes out for me every morning to wear. **I **_**AM**_** A CAPTAIN YOU KNOW**. **NOT DISFUNCTIONAL.**

Stop giving me a full report on that day's activities right as we are having sex. **I KNOOOOW, I **_**AM **_**THE CAPTAIN.**

Stop licking my face after I have eaten. **I DO KNOW HOW TO USE A NAPKIN…..HOWEVER, IT DOES MAKE ME HOT, YOU TOMCAT.**

Stop telling me YOU ARE A VULCAN. **I KNOOOOW, I **_**AM**_** THE CAPTAIN….. LOVERBOY.**

Love Jim.


End file.
